Bonjour ! Bonne écoute !
Bonjour ! Bonne écoute !
it’s sometimes difficult to get out of your head when you have Asperger’s — and that you tend to fall in loops and remember details that you wish that you could forget …. about this, that and other things….
People around me sometimes forget that I have this disorder — it’s really not made up – and that although I may seem strong and composed on the outside – I’m fighting with every bit of my body and soul to remain so … it takes energy … and sometimes, it runs out…
Time for a time out ….
Voici la première capsule autisme. Celles-ci seront diffusées les vendredis . Veuillez partager avec les gens qui pourraient en profiter! Veuillez noter que ces blogues seront plus longs, en raison du contenu …
Bon vendredi !
June 3, 2013 at 9:08 pm (Podcasts)
here is my first audio blog ever … bear with me — it has mistakes and they will get better with time …. I hope !
June 3, 2013 at 6:03 am (Daily Thoughts)
“Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here. Believe in kissing.”
― Eve Ensler
Today – I am taking a ME morning …. Reconnecting with myself … After bringing my youngest little guy to school, I am going to go sit at a coffee shop and do a little people watching while enjoying a coffee. I may just bring my laptop – it’s always been a dream of mine to write at one of the tables …. Afterwards, I am going to drive home and enjoy some CBC programming. When I make it back home, I’m likely going to make a detour to the Lake House … Walk around and take some pictures of my new blooming plants. I’ll return – do a few loads of laundry and pop something in the crockpot for supper…
Today is a ME day. A forget-about-other-realities-and-concentrate-on-being-whole-again day … A feels just like when I was young and skipping day ….
And if things to not pan out, at least in my mind’s eye, it will have been the perfect ME day …
June 2, 2013 at 8:01 am (Everything)
If truth be told – I hate being told what to do … HATE it – with a capital H. It happens to many people – agreed – but I find that it’s worse when you have Aspergers Syndrome. And you’re a woman. And you have red hair. Which all three characteristics I happen to possess….
Enter the self-help books. How to feel better after a tragedy … How to discover inner calm … How to be strong in a catastrophic situation … How to keep and make friends …. etc…. You know the kind – the books where you read each page until you reach that a-ha moment ….. and are able to move on with your day. And maybe your Life. There is a problem with these volumes : most are written by neurotypical experts who understand only their neurotypical mindset. When I turn to those for guidance, I am able to see what society as a whole expects from me – but I seldom find real advice that I can use – simply because I am not wired to understand its purpose. As I read through the pages, I often think to myself: WHAT????? What a ridiculous piece of advice ! As if that works ….! ( I guess that it does – just not for a person with my type of Aspie reasoning …. ) I get very upset when some expert tells me how I should do something – especially if this ‘expert’ understands nothing about the Aspie brain …. and talks about us like we’re from another dimension …
And so, I think that I have found one of my writing projects. (And my husband will be laughing when he reads this – because I think that I will use the title that he came up with for another project… ) ROWING ALONE …. a book written by a mature woman living with Aspergers Syndrome, outlining simple strategies to overcome fear, anxiety and mental exhaustion. For years, I’ve been navigating the social world alone , looking for others whom like myself, have found a beacon in the night. Though I have found a few kindred spirits, I find that my best coping mechanisms have been discovered by myself – and then bounced off my husband…. I find myself asking him questions every day : I don’t understand how people think like that….. I wish I knew why ….. How do I do this and still look acceptable in the eyes of so and so … As he explains his point, I can somewhat empathize with this thinking and then tweak my own views. To mimic yours – but to really be able to survive in this jungle that we live in.
There are many books written for people on the ASD spectrum. I have read many. Too many…. I have yet to find one written by a woman with Aspergers – ABOUT women with Aspergers and FOR women with Aspergers. One which combines personal accounts, spirituality, humour and tested and true strategies to overcome complex issues such anxiety, joy, pain, loss etc… A book by a professional teacher – for other women on the spectrum to relate to…. and to hopefully find calm and solutions to their daily afflictions with Life… A book written by a woman who is also a mother. A wife. A friend. A daughter and a sister. And whom, like many other women on the spectrum, has an incredible amount of empathy. And is going through Life often feeling very lost – but has managed to find her way thanks to her own strategies ….
They say that the best books have been written by people who have experience …. I have that …. Been there – bought the t-shirt – and am still wearing it .
As a matter of fact – I refuse to take it off …. Sue me – I’m Aspie ….
We’ve all heard it. It’s the little voice that tells you : you should not do this …. Or you’re not good enough to do that … The little voice that manages to yell above the loudest music when you’re having fun…. or to break that peaceful silence when you’re having an impromptu afternoon nap… You’re never sure when it’s gonna pop up – or how it came to be … but it’s there and never really goes away….
It tried to talk to me this morning – as I was enjoying my coffee and planning my day of nothing …. But today – I caught it in time. I silenced it. I shut it down. This day is going to be for me and for what I need to do to find my center. My peace . My solace.
So be quiet voice. And find someone else to bother… Someone who will listen and better yet – someone who will care….
I have other things to do …. : )
Boxes. When you have Aspergers, you tend to use these a lot, in a physical and metaphorical kind of way. My Paris room holds all sorts of decorative boxes to hold my stuff. They are symbols to me. All my life, I’ve dealt with many elements that neurotypical individuals would likely laugh off. A test to write the next day. A dentist appointment. Missing my dad when he was at work. More recently, the realities of family health and well-being has been on the agenda…. When most deal with these events in their own way, as an Aspie with a very particular brain, it sometimes gets very overwhelming. And so, I often refer to my shelf of boxes, where I put things away for a while, and sometimes, forever.
Why do I have all these boxes you may wonder. Anxiety. It builds up. Makes you tired. Cranky. Moody. Physically steals your power to perform. And it used to be that it would get the best of me [ in fact - it still does - though these days, if I catch it early enough, I rarely get into a full blown attack ]. It makes you long for simpler days. Easier times where you are comfortable and know the outcome. The fear of the unknown is often for Aspies overwhelming. What is happening in the present is often hard enough to absorb – forget thinking about the future. And so you get an anxiety attack and everything falls apart. When you cry, people may think that you are weak. Temporarily, you are. But for me, it’s part of discovering where I am, and where I am going next.
Enter the ‘box’ strategy. It’s a way for me to put things in compartments in my mind. My life has been categorized in different boxes. Family. Friends. Foes. Acquaintances. Professional Life. Current Challenges. You get the picture. As I navigate daily Life, I open up these boxes, work through the items, and then, when I am done, I figuratively put the box back on the shelf – and forget about it – until the next time I open it. Some boxes have been on my shelf for years, gathering dust, almost erased from my existence. Others are new. Like the one that was added nine weeks ago where I store everything about my brother’s current situations. Or the one with my mom memorabilia. Each Life event which has marked me has its specific box. And I have the privilege and honor of keeping those, or disposing of them forever, if I so wish. It has been successful for me all my life, and I intend on using this strategy until the day that it no longer works for me. An Aspie woman needs her strategies – and this one works just great. I probably one day could build myself a great wall of boxes – like the wall of China. I could call it the great wall of Anne – the Aspie.
Today, I am going to get myself a new shiny box. In my mind that is. My Paris room can hold no more new treasures. On this box, I will add a label and on the bottom, I will add a FRAGILE sticker . I will then fill this box with all sorts of items from my current reality. And I will meditate on those. Ask for guidance from the Universe. And when it’s done – I’ll pack it up and save it for another day….. I know that it’ll make me feel better… it always does…
Have a great Thursday !