Boxes. When you have Aspergers, you tend to use these a lot, in a physical and metaphorical kind of way. My Paris room holds all sorts of decorative boxes to hold my stuff. They are symbols to me. All my life, I’ve dealt with many elements that neurotypical individuals would likely laugh off. A test to write the next day. A dentist appointment. Missing my dad when he was at work. More recently, the realities of family health and well-being has been on the agenda…. When most deal with these events in their own way, as an Aspie with a very particular brain, it sometimes gets very overwhelming. And so, I often refer to my shelf of boxes, where I put things away for a while, and sometimes, forever.
Why do I have all these boxes you may wonder. Anxiety. It builds up. Makes you tired. Cranky. Moody. Physically steals your power to perform. And it used to be that it would get the best of me [ in fact - it still does - though these days, if I catch it early enough, I rarely get into a full blown attack ]. It makes you long for simpler days. Easier times where you are comfortable and know the outcome. The fear of the unknown is often for Aspies overwhelming. What is happening in the present is often hard enough to absorb – forget thinking about the future. And so you get an anxiety attack and everything falls apart. When you cry, people may think that you are weak. Temporarily, you are. But for me, it’s part of discovering where I am, and where I am going next.
Enter the ‘box’ strategy. It’s a way for me to put things in compartments in my mind. My life has been categorized in different boxes. Family. Friends. Foes. Acquaintances. Professional Life. Current Challenges. You get the picture. As I navigate daily Life, I open up these boxes, work through the items, and then, when I am done, I figuratively put the box back on the shelf – and forget about it – until the next time I open it. Some boxes have been on my shelf for years, gathering dust, almost erased from my existence. Others are new. Like the one that was added nine weeks ago where I store everything about my brother’s current situations. Or the one with my mom memorabilia. Each Life event which has marked me has its specific box. And I have the privilege and honor of keeping those, or disposing of them forever, if I so wish. It has been successful for me all my life, and I intend on using this strategy until the day that it no longer works for me. An Aspie woman needs her strategies – and this one works just great. I probably one day could build myself a great wall of boxes – like the wall of China. I could call it the great wall of Anne – the Aspie.
Today, I am going to get myself a new shiny box. In my mind that is. My Paris room can hold no more new treasures. On this box, I will add a label and on the bottom, I will add a FRAGILE sticker . I will then fill this box with all sorts of items from my current reality. And I will meditate on those. Ask for guidance from the Universe. And when it’s done – I’ll pack it up and save it for another day….. I know that it’ll make me feel better… it always does…
Have a great Thursday !
